This week the Lady decided it was Spring and time to open up the track for us. I should explain that my herd consists of Lorenzo, Ayjay, Chrissie, Bon Bon and Al Caponey and we live in the top field beside Rocketts, which is an old pub that’s been derelict for years. It’s full of rats and Dog used to go in there to kill them and bring them home to the Lady before the Council boarded it up but that’s a story for another day.
Diablo lives in the bottom field with Reginald Goatpony and Sinbad and the ancient Minkeys.
And Pamela Anderson gets under fences and goes wherever she likes.
The Lady and Nicola spent all of Thursday morning putting up fencing and closing off our track and then the Lady let us onto it and all hell broke loose. First Al Caponey ran down to the fence where the two tracks meet and started swearing at Diablo and stamping his feet and thrreatening to rip his throat out and kill him. Diablo’s well sick of him by now so he started shouting back. “Fuck off you little toerag before I come in there and burst you.”
Then Pamela Anderson came into season and started flashing her twat all over the show which only infuriated them more. So the Lady decided to move her but oh no, didn’t she flash her twat at the Lady and gallop off down the track kicking and bucking and the Lady running behind her till Lorenzo ran up the hill and jumped off the other side and landed on her. The Lady, that is, not Pamela Anderson.
I decided to stay out of it and use the time to collect all the subscriptions to the pony retirement fund which were long overdue. They don’t understand why they have to pay when they’re not retired yet so its always a problem getting it out of them, I’m sick of it by now, I’m going to tell Pamela Anderson I’m not doing it any more. And there’s been some questions asked where does the money go especially since Pamela Anderson got a new mobile phone.
Lorenzo lost his wits which isn’t hard because he doesn’t have many wits to begin with, and jumped on Pamela Anderson and when she kicked him he jumped on Al Caponey and that didn’t end well either. So we all ran back up to the top and we haven’t been back down since. Diablo said if we come back down again he’ll kick us all to kingdom come wherever that is.
On Thursday Monkeyskin got adopted and his people came to fetch him, we were sad to see him go, he was a very nice pony. Lorenzo cried a bit.
The council found a dead man in a house in Dublin, he’d been dead for a year. They said the house was in a state of disrepair, what did they expect, him being dead and all, how was he spected to keep his house in good repair?