Putting in the Magic


Hello, it’s me, Matchbox, again

It’s been quite an exciting week. First a man in Carlow took his uncle to the Post Office to collect his pension but when they got there he was dead, not the man, the uncle, so the lady behind the counter said she wouldn’t give him his pension which I thought was a bit unfair because he’d surely need it to pay the knackerman to bring him away or the digger man to bury him in the field.

There was a mighty furore and the nephew dropped the dead uncle on the floor and ran away and the police were called but she still wouldn’t give him the pension. Lorenzo said whatever the nephew was on, he wanted some of it.

Anyway, everyone soon forgot about the uncle in the post office when the Russians arrived in their ships and said they were going to blow the bejesus out of West Cork.

I don’t know why they chose West Cork, they’d have been better off sailing up the Liffey and blowing the arseholes off Varadkar and Mehole. When I said that, Frances ran and put on her Curse of the Burning Arsehole rug and said she’d set Mary Lou’s arsehole on fire, I dunno what she’s got against Mary Lou, and after that she’d set Boris Johnson’s arsehole on fire. It’ll be Joe Biden next, Who knows where she’ll stop?

In the end she went at the Russian’s arseholes but she missed her aim and set some West Cork fishermen’s arseholes on fire instead and caused an international incident. I think she’s going senile but I’m saying nothing in case she sets MY arsehole on fire.

Speaking of holes, we’d no sooner finished with the Russians than all the ponies in the top field broke out onto the driveway and let out all the ponies in the bottom field. Everybody got all mixed up, Diablo and Al Caponey kicked the holes off each other, Lorenzo and Monkeyskin ran away into Rocketts and while all that was going on Chrissie ate the Lady’s car.

Yes, ATE it. Chewed the paint off the bonnet and pulled off a wing mirror.

Pamela Anderson lost the plot and called a Pony Council meeting and asked her why the FUCK she’d destroyed the Lady’s car and when she couldn’t give a good reason she sentenced her to 5 days in jail.

Personally I don’t know what could possibly qualify as a good reason for eating a car. Lorenzo said you might eat a car if there was frost on it and it was dark and you mistook it for a bale of haylage but he’s a twat and nobody pays him any heed..